SOL20 Day 31

Today is the last day of the Slice of Life Challenge. For me this is a huge accomplishment. Thirty one days of writing by choice. I have never done anything like this before. My literacy block class has opened the door to a love for literacy. I have become an active reader and writer. This challenge may be over but I plan to keep writing everyday. It has become my outlet for all the crazy things that are going on in my life. I want to keep learning how to be a better writer and encourage others to give writing a chance.

SOL20 Day 30

I have been disconnected from technology for over twenty four hours (with the exception of school work) and it has been difficult. I don't know how many times I have reached for my phone knowing that I turned it off and put it up. I didn’t realize how much I used my phone until it wasn’t there. 

I have been productive with my time rather than being on my phone or watching TV. I have been reading and not just for school. I have spent time outside getting some exercise and fresh air. I have even been working on being crafty. My sisters like to do arts and crafts. They are both artistic in their own way. Yesterday they decided to paint so I joined them. We had some extra canvases and paint from an old project. They used pinterest for ideas, and I went in a different direction. Mine ended up looking like paint splattered everywhere, my sisters deemed it abstract art, but I enjoyed the peace that came with working on it. Theirs came out beautifully. I might be a little jealous of their artistic abilities! We had a good time with our little “art class.”

One of the paintings from our art adventure yesterday.

SOL20 Day 29

With yesterday's events, I decided to turn off my phone for a little while. I need some time to be completely socially distant with the exception of school work. I have read that taking a break from technology brings peace of mind. I am going to use this time to enjoy the outdoors and work on myself. I have some things to figure out in order to navigate this pandemic. I am also going to use this time to focus on school. This semester has been an important one for me. I have learned a lot from my professors and my peers. I want to continue learning as much as I can before the semester is over.

SOL20 Day 28

I talked to my father on the phone today. For those who know me, that isn’t something I do very often. I wasn’t expecting him to call today; he usually only calls on birthdays and major holidays. These phone calls don’t usually leave me in a very good place mentally or emotionally. Today's call wasn’t any different. 

The call typically starts civil. He asks about the weather or in today's case how we are handling this Covid virus. Then he asked me about work. I let him know my job has been closed due to the virus. His response is exactly what I expected. He said “you better get another job then,” as if I am not aware of my current situation. 

I cut the small talk short. I guess I just didn’t want to hear it today. I asked him why he called. He informed me that he was not going to fly down and be at the birth of my niece (she is due to arrive early in June). Again, I was not surprised. He only called to tell me so I would tell my brother. I was so angry that words wouldn’t come out so I just hung up on him. What do I say to that? I don’t know how to tell my brother. He isn’t going to be surprised either but he is going to be upset.

SOL20 Day 27

Me and my baby brother

Today I took a break from school work. I have been working hard all week to stay on top of all my assignments. I needed to get out of the house and enjoy some fresh air. My little brother asked me to throw the football with him. He is at that age where spending time with his big sister isn’t “cool” so when he asked I said yes! When he was little I was his favorite person. Wherever I went and whatever I did he followed. It was nice spending time with him doing something he loves. A lot of my free time is spent with my sisters and basketball, so this time with him was long overdue.

SOL20 Day 26

Coffee with Kerbs video chat

This morning I got to chat with a few of my Literacy Block classmates and my professor. On Tuesday we had class via zoom, but today it wasn’t all about school work. It was about checking in on each other. We did talk a little bit about school but when you are a student it is hard to talk about anything else. I didn’t realize how much harder it would be to communicate like this. As a student that was very vocal in class face to face, I am finding it a little more difficult to speak up and be active in the conversation virtually. I am not complaining though. Just being a part of this social interaction is what is keeping me going. I don’t have much to look forward to during this quarantine but I do have these video chats.

SOL20 Day 25

My brother FaceTimed me early this morning. His boss made him get to his new job site super early to scope it out. He usually likes being the first one on the site but this morning he wasn’t too thrilled about it. He is working on a sketchy side of town in Houston and he was worried about being the only one there. He told me that lately people have been breaking into job sites and stealing their equipment. He FaceTimed me so that he had someone to talk to while he was walking the site. This isn’t exactly what I wanted to be doing at 4:30 in the morning but I know if the tables were turned he would do anything to make me feel safe.

He likes to make weird faces to make me laugh!

SOL20 Day 24

Today I started back to school remotely. In my literacy block class (my favorite class!) we logged into a video chat via zoom. It was touch and go for a minute as I tried to get my audio to work. I could see people but I couldn’t hear them. Once I got it working it was pretty cool. I could see all my peers and my professor again! 

It was nice to get to talk with them even if it was only for an hour. I knew I missed them but I didn’t realize just how much I missed them until I got to engage with them again. I am grateful for the technology we have today that allows us to communicate as if we are all in class together. I am also grateful for my professor who goes the extra mile for us every chance she gets.

SOL20 Day 23

Yesterday I found a little positivity in an unexpected way but today that was quickly wiped away. Today my daycare got closed down in a way that frightened everyone involved. The parents picked their kids up in record time. Before the teachers could leave the director informed us that we will be closing down until further notice because a student in our center was exposed to the virus by a family member that tested positive this morning. This news was scary but then the director pulled me and my co-teachers aside. My heart was racing as she told me that the student that was exposed to the virus is one of ours. The worries are flooding my mind. I worry about my exposure to the virus. I worry about my family getting the virus because of me. I mainly worry about the sweet innocent kids in my class getting it.

SOL20 Day 22

Last night my sisters insisted on watching Frozen 2. I took them to see this movie in the theaters a few months ago so I wanted to watch something different. They are very persistent so we ended up watching it anyways.

With everything going on I have been stressed out and constantly worrying about things I have no control over. While watching this movie that was a scene that really stuck out to me. In this scene princess Anna asks Olaf if he is okay and he responds “Oh, yeah. We’re calling this controlling what you can when things feel out of control.” This line was exactly what I needed to hear. Right now we are all dealing with something that is out of our control. I have spent countless hours worrying about it and what might happen. Instead, I should be focusing on the things I can control.

SOL20 Day 21

My kitty Greyson has to sit right next to me when I am working on homework.

Today I looked into creating a space at home to do school work. My original plan was to use Starbucks and other places with free WiFi to get work done, but all places with dine-in service are closed. I wanted to avoid working from home because of the distractions. I have three teenage siblings who will be doing school work from home. They aren’t exactly the quietest bunch. 

I have seen many of my peers and teacher friends post photos of their work spaces. They have made a comfy and cozy space to get work done. My space will include the kitchen table, my laptop, and a pair of headphones (also my clingy cat!). I will make it work until things get better and I can get out of the house again.

SOL20 Day 20

I would be lying if I said the stress hasn’t started to set in. Today my hours got cut even more. My next paycheck will be less than half of what it usually is. As someone who only works part time while going to school, it won’t be much. My only option right now is to get a second job.

Next week school picks back up online. Most students would be thrilled that they don’t have to actually go to campus but for me that is not the case. I learn better in a face to face setting. School is my happy place and my escape from home. I love being in class (especially this semester!) with my peers and my professor. I wouldn’t call myself the class clown but I like to lighten the mood of the room whenever appropriately possible! I will miss the lunch time conversations and stories. I will also miss my field experience students. I wish I would have known it was the last time I was going to get to see them.

SOL20 Day 19

A small fraction of the mess I came home to yesterday.

So this confinement/social distancing is driving me crazy. It's not that I am locked up in the house all day long, it's that my siblings are. I am not a neat freak but I do keep things clean for the most part. When I leave for work, the house is somewhat clean. When I come home, it looks like the house has been ransacked. The kitchen is a mess to say the least. The living room might as well be the laundry room and I'm not sure why because we actually have a laundry room. What I don’t understand is how this mess happens when they spend the majority of their time in their rooms. I ask them to clean up after themselves but I know full well that it is me who will have to clean it up. I am looking forward to next week when they will have school work to occupy their time.

SOL20 Day 18

My sisters at the concert!

On my little sister's sixteenth birthday I got them tickets to a concert. It is our tradition that I get them concert tickets on their birthday but they are usually to the rodeo. However, with it being their sweet sixteen I went a little bigger. 

My sisters only share a few things in common. Besides our passion for our faith and basketball, we are all three huge fans of Taylor Swift. We jam out to her songs whenever we get the chance. So for their sweet sixteen I got all three of us tickets to her concert. I cannot explain their excitement when I told them. What they weren't excited about is they had to wait seven months for the date of the concert to arrive. 

About a week before the concert the excitement kicked back up. They decided that they were going to make t-shirts to wear and they got pretty creative with it. On the day of the concert we were all on cloud nine! I grew up listening to her music and I am a fan for many reasons. We enjoyed every minute of that day. The Reputation Stadium Tour was the best concert we had ever been to and we had a blast. When I think of my favorite memories, that day is definitely one of them!

SOL20 Day 17

With school being cancelled my younger siblings are home and they are enjoying their extended spring break. They went to Lake Conroe for a couple days last week. They rode jet skis, went fishing, and went swimming. Then the news started telling everyone that they need to be social distancing. They did not like to hear that they couldn’t spend time with their friends but they have made the most of it. I got off early today because the daycare is low in numbers and they are cutting hours. When I got home my older brother and his wife were there. I guess they are having setbacks at work as well. When I came in, I found all of them sitting around the table playing board games. This is something we haven’t been able to do for a while. Getting us all in one room with our crazy schedules is rare. I wasn’t happy about my hours being cut at work but I got something more valuable than money, I got time with family.

SOL20 Day 16

Today didn’t go how I thought it would. Through the school closures and now restaurant/bar closures, my daycare and many others are still open. My expectation for today and the rest of this week was that the daycare would be packed full of kids who don’t have school. Walking in this morning I was shocked to learn that most of the building was low in numbers. Most parents decided to keep their kids home at least for the remainder of this week. However the low amount of kids in the building didn’t seem to limit the chaos. 

My center's response to keeping out the virus is to simply not allow parents into the building. I'm not really sure what this prevents because their kids bring in the same germs they would but these are the steps they have taken. This means that every child is dropped off at the door and then escorted to their room and at the end of the day they are escorted back to the front door to their parent. This seems simple enough except for the fact that they let the extra teachers go home early. So there were only three people (myself included) answering the phones and running up and down the halls to get children to their parents. It wasn’t an easy day but at least we know what to expect for tomorrow.

SOL20 Day 15

This weekend was very much needed. I got to relax and do things that were completely for me. Saturday I got to sleep in which was so nice. I am usually an early riser so it isn’t something I do very often. I got to do some cleaning that was long overdue. I don’t consider cleaning relaxing, but there is something about the feeling when it’s done that is. After cleaning I started reading the book Refugee by Alan Gratz. I’m about a third of the way through it and it is really good. This morning I sat on the couch with my coffee and watched a movie. I wasn’t interrupted and didn’t have to worry about any unfinished homework. It was peaceful. Tonight I am babysitting and I love babysitting. I have watched these kids many times but it has been a few months. They are very sweet and full of energy. I think I am just as excited to see them as they are to see me!

This is Chase. He is one of the two kids I will be watching tonight.

SOL20 Day 14

This has been one of the longest weeks. With all the changes that have been made, things are stressful to say the least. What will school look like for the remainder of the semester? Will my job be open next week? How will I make ends meet if I am not working? The constant worry runs through my mind. But the worry for myself drifts to the back of my mind when I think about all the students who have been displaced and don’t have food to eat. I want to help these students in any way I can. With the extended spring break I will volunteer at my local church. They are collecting food and supplies and delivering it to those who are struggling. I believe in the power of prayer but I also believe in the power of people. Everyone is affected by this virus in some way, but together we can help each other get through it.

SOL20 Day 13

In spite of everything that is going wrong in the world today, I want to share about one of my favorite days. In honor of my brother and sister-in-laws two year anniversary, my story is about the day I got to be a bridesmaid at my brothers wedding. It is one of my favorite days because it was a day full of love and happiness. I also gained a new sister that I absolutely adore. 

My brother and I have been through a lot together. Our childhood wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine but we made it because we had each other. So when I was asked to be a part of his big day I was honored. As someone that isn’t emotional seeing his beaming smile as his bride walked down the aisle brought tears to my eyes. I was the happiest I had ever seen him. 

I knew he was nervous before the wedding, not about actually getting married, but about all the people who would be at the wedding. I was just as nervous. People we had not seen or talked to in a long time would be there. People who were the reason or childhood was rough would be there. All these people were invited to the wedding because apparently that is just what you do for family. I knew he didn’t want them there and wished they wouldn’t show just like I did, but they did. We talked about it many times before his wedding day and I assured him that it would all be okay, and it was. Everyone that attended was polite and loving; even if it was just for show. 

That night the speeches were sweet. There was laughter and happy tears. Everyone had an amazing time watching these two celebrate their love. It was a day full of moments that made great memories we will cherish forever.

SOL20 Day 12

So this whole virus situation has become something that initially was a little scary but has now become a bit ridiculous. I understand that it should be taken seriously but when going to the grocery to grab tampons becomes an hour long trip it starts to feel out of hand. I wish I was joking when I say that people were literally raking food off the shelves into their carts. I watched several people with multiple carts filled to the top rushed through the store nearly taking each other out. I don't understand the mad dash for toilet paper. This virus doesn’t include explosive diarrhea so why the need for so much tp? 

Now they are closing schools and this is what really upsets me. At my school they extended spring break for another week and made all face to face classes online classes for the remainder of the semester. I don’t know what this means for my literacy block class that requires field experience but I am absolutely devastated that I wont get to sit in this class again. I look forward to going to this class and it has made a huge impact on me as a future teacher. I made friends for life in that class and I will miss seeing them twice a week. While I am grateful that no one I know and love has gotten sick with COVID-19, it sure has had a negative impact on me.

SOL20 Day 11

Rodeo 2019

This spring break I was scheduled to work every day. Money is tight right now and I had to take advantage of the hours. The only thing I had to look forward to this spring break was the rodeo concert I was going to take my sisters to. Every year for their birthday I get them tickets to the rodeo and this year we were set to see Kane Brown. Today was the day we had these plans. I was excited and so were they. I needed one evening of fun. I planned to get off work early so we could head up there. Unfortunately my boss informed me just before I got off that the rodeo has been cancelled permanently. Usually things like this wouldn't bother me but a break is long overdue. As someone who isn’t an emotional person I wanted to cry. I saved up the money to get those tickets just for it to be wasted. When I got home I had to break the news to my sisters and they were as crushed as I was. Sadly spring break is a bust.

SOL20 Day 10

Today has been one of those days. The kind of day where no matter how hard you try things just aren’t going the way you want. It started with a morning melt down. One of my students did not want to do school today. Her mom had to carry her kicking and screaming into the class. Then she put her down and bolted out the door saying “bye, good luck” as the door closed. Her sweet baby laid there on the floor crying with the look of abandonment on her face. I scooped her up and put her at the table. I thought maybe food would calm her. I was wrong. She flipped the plate over onto the floor and pushed her cup across the table. It was 6:30 in the morning, she was cranky and I was exhausted. I picked up the food that was all over the floor and took a deep breath. Then I picked her up and held her for a few minutes. I think it comforted both of us. Afterwards she was fine and so was I.

Earlier that same day I was administering medicine to another student. He has been battling an ear infection for a couple days. He usually takes it pretty well with no complaining. That was not the case today. Today he took a mouth full of the liquid and spit it into the air like he was trying to make it rain. He seemed pretty thrilled with himself but I was not. I had this white chalky medicine all over my shirt and in my hair. It smelled terrible and dried almost immediately. I went to the bathroom and tried to scrub it off with no luck. I wanted to be angry about it but when I came back to the classroom all those sweet smiling faces took all the frustration away. So while it was a long day, it could have been worse.

SOL20 Day 9

You were supposed to be my fiercest protector. 

Instead you left me afraid.

You were supposed to love me endlessly. 

Instead you left me drained.

You were supposed to wipe away the tears.

Instead you made it rain.

You were supposed to catch me when I fall.

Instead you made my pain.

SOL20 Day 8

One Saturday afternoon, I got a phone call from my brother. This isn't out of the ordinary, as he calls me to vent about work several times a week, but this time his voice sounded different. I had only heard him sound like that one other time, when he told me he was going to purpose to his girlfriend, so I knew he had something important to tell me. Instead of giving it to me right there on the phone, he told me to come over to his house the following day. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried.

The next day I went over, he acted completely normal. We watched football, talked, and laughed. It was just like any other day we spent together. His wife came home from work and almost immediately he started acting differently. She brought cupcakes in with her, which if you knew them was weird because they are health buffs. I knew at this point we were celebrating something and my guess at the time was that he got a promotion. 

After about twenty minutes they both nearly forced me to get a cupcake to the point that they brought me one on a plate. A couple bites in, I nearly lost a tooth on something hard. I pulled out this white plastic thing. I was frustrated that the place they bought the cupcakes thought it was a good idea to put plastic little figures in their food for people to choke on. My brother and his wife started laughing and I was confused. They told me to look at the plastic piece to see what it is. It was a white baby carriage. The light bulb finally went off! I was so excited I started jumping up and down. My sister in law was crying (happy tears) and my brother was laughing so hard his face was bright red. After we all calmed down, I asked why they told just me and not our whole family. They told me that they talked it over and they want me to find out the gender and plan the gender reveal party. I was so happy to get to do this for them! 

A couple weeks later I went and picked up the gender results. I knew that my sister in law wanted a girl and my brother was happy either way. When I closed my eyes I saw them having a little girl and that is what I wanted for them. When I got the envelope I just sat there with it. Once I knew, I couldn’t tell anyone and that was a lot of pressure. How do I contain the excitement? I ripped open the envelope anyways. Sitting in my car I read the results. Tears filled my eyes as I read that they would be having a little girl. Baby Zoe is due to arrive June 12th!

My niece Zoe coming soon!

SOL20 Day 7

This morning I attended one of my daycare students 2nd birthday party. It was bittersweet to see this kid turn two. I have had him in my class since he was an infant. Everytime I moved up a room, he moved with me. Next week he will officially move up to the two year old room... without me. He has been attached to my hip for a year and a half. He is my daycare baby. Seeing him go from a colic baby to a smart and funny toddler brings me so much joy. I will miss the morning hugs and silly giggles but I am excited to see what he will learn in his new room.

SOL20 Day 6

Yesterday I did my first interactive read aloud. I expected to be really nervous before but surprisingly I wasn’t. I felt really calm and prepared. It was the support of my mentor teacher, my classroom partner, and my professor that gave me the confidence I needed to do it. My kindergarten students were very excited that I was going to read to them. On Tuesday my partner read them The Three Little Pigs. My lesson was centered around having them identify the similarities and differences between the story she read and the story I read (The Three Little Superpigs Once Upon A Time). As I was reading they jumped in on the parts they knew and they were eager to answer all my questions throughout the story. As I was reaching the end of the read aloud I thought what else can I ask them because I don’t want this to end. The feeling of being in front of the class as their teacher was exciting!

SOL20 Day 5

The last time I got to drive him to school.
(He is the youngest of the 3 I nannied)

For most of my childhood people always told me I was born to be a teacher. At the time I didn’t understand what they meant by that and I didn’t take it as a compliment like I should have. In a way I guess I felt like they were saying that is all I could be. So when it came time for me to pick a path I strayed away from teaching. Instead, I took the criminal justice path. It wasn’t a bad choice but it definitely wasn’t the right choice. I took two semesters of classes before I realized that this course wasn’t for me. While criminal justice was a hobby of mine;  it wasn’t the right career path. I struggled with what the next move would be.

Around this time I changed jobs. I made the difficult decision to leave nannying and took a job at a daycare. It broke my heart leaving the sweet kids I had nannied for over five years, but it led me to the realization that being a teacher was exactly what I wanted to be. My first day in the daycare was a sink or swim kind of experience. I was thrown into a class with no guidance; I was alone. I wanted to panic but something in me took over. I didn’t sink, I swam! I went to see my academic advisor that same week to switch my major but for the first time I felt like I was meant to be a teacher.

SOL20 Day 4

Today I was asked how I remain so positive all the time, and for me this was a loaded question. If only they knew the journey I had been through to be the person I am today. This question came with a sting of the past. If I were to have answered this question with complete transparency it would have sounded something like this:

I experienced many difficult things as a kid that most kids don’t go through. These “things” aren't something I have talked about with anyone until just recently and that is because trusting someone isn’t something I do easily. So I am not going to say exactly what I experienced, but what I went through nearly broke me. The summer after my sophomore year I was at my lowest low to the point that I began to wonder if continuing to live this life was even worth it. I was truly hurting. They don’t know this, but if it wasn’t for my sisters needing me I don’t know what would have happened. I knew that if something happened to me, they would become the target and that is the absolute last thing I wanted. I knew that I had to find a way to make things better on my own, and I did. I used humor to make myself feel better. I liked to laugh and I really liked to make others laugh. Though it was hard sometimes, making people laugh became the way I coped with what I was going through. That remains true today; I make people laugh to cope with what I am going through as well as help take their mind off of what they may be going through. This positive energy could make all the difference for someone that is struggling or hurting.

SOL20 Day 3

A day in the life of a daycare teacher

Today was quite an interesting day in my one year old classroom. My class consists of ten one year old toddlers; all with very active and silly personalities. One of my lovely students decided he was going to repeat every word I said all day long. It was as if I had my own personal echo. At some point in the day you would think he would have gotten distracted and found something else to do but he didn’t. When I told one of his friends to keep her shoes on; he was right behind me leaning over and repeating "shoe on." At lunch, as I passed out each child's cup I said their name, and sure enough as each name came out of my mouth it came out of his too. One of my co-teachers whispered to me that she doesn't know how I haven't told him to stop. My response to her was that he is learning new words as he repeats what I say. It isn't something I found to be annoying or frustrating, I was proud that I was helping him learn. After all, that is what we are supposed to be doing as daycare TEACHERS!

SOL20 Day 2

It't crazy how in such a short amount of time complete strangers become family.

I played basketball all through high school. It has always been a passion of mine. I spent endless hours practicing and giving my very best to be the best player and teammate I could be. When it was over, I was devastated. I didn’t know just how much I would miss running up and down the court until I wasn’t able to anymore. Every game I watched on T.V. made me crave playing even more. 

One day out of the blue, a former coach contacted me about coaching a girls AAU basketball team. I wasn’t sure about coaching because I had no experience with it, but I took a chance and decided to do it anyways. I wanted to show young girls that this sport is truly something special. To make it more meaningful I was allowed to place my sisters on my team. In the summer of 2017, I coached my team The Heat. These girls quickly became a huge part of my life. I made a pact with them that if they gave me their all, I would give them mine. Three years later, these girls and I are still at it!

SOL20 Day 1

It is true when they say life goes by in the blink of an eye. This year my little sisters turned 17 years old. Sadly, they didn't listen when I told them they weren't allowed to grow up. I grew up taking care of these two sweet, crazy, loving little girls. I was the one they came to when they were sad, scared, or confused. I cleaned the noses and wiped away the tears. They were my world and I was theirs. They looked to me as their role model and I worked hard to make sure I was someone worthy of looking up to. Unfortunately, they don't need me like they used to. 

Today I am someone they occasionally come to when they need advice or money. They don’t come to me to wipe the tears, they wipe them themselves. They don’t run to me when they are scared or confused, they go to each other. It is sad not being their rock anymore but I am proud to say that I had a hand in raising two strong and independent young women. 

One of these rare moments when they needed me came today when one of my sisters asked me to take her prom dress shopping. I didn't ask questions, I grabbed the keys before she changed her mind. We went to many stores before she found the one that made her happy. I am not an emotional person, but when she came out in that shimmering royal blue dress there were tears in my eyes. That little girl that giggled when she tooted, is now a woman. In this moment I decided that this year I was going to soak up every moment I possibly can with these two before they graduate and go off to college.